Resource of the Month:

Attached at
the Heart

by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker

Teleseminar: Friday, July 24th, 1PM Eastern

Come join Lysa Parker and Rebecca Thompson as they discuss Lysa Parker's new book, Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children
Click for details and registration

August 8, 2009: Raleigh, NC

Amazing Families invites you to “Healing Trauma: Supporting Our Children through Relationship-focused Parenting” by Rebecca Thompson of Consciously Parenting.
Click for more information

Teleparenting Classes Open:

Connection Parenting
Tuesday evenings, 9:00 Eastern: August 11, 18, 25, September 1, 8, 15 & 22.

Connection Parenting
Tuesday afternoons, 1:00 Eastern: September 1, 8, 15, 22, 29, October 6 & 13.

Click for details and registration

Beyond Consequences Level 1 Class
Wednesday evenings, 9:00 Eastern: July 15, 22, 29, August 5 & 12.
Click for details and registration

Article Spotlight

Our Parenting Choices by Pam Leo

Questions?

See our quick FAQ about TeleClasses at the bottom of this newsletter

*NEW* Audiobook Download!

You can now download the audiobook of Connection Parenting, read by Pam Leo, in our store!

Parenting from Your Heart Workshop

Sat Jul 18, 2009, 10:00a - 4:00p
A one day workshop on Nonviolent Communication and Parenting with Stephanie Bachmann Mattei, Ph.D. & Dian Killian, Ph.D. based on the teachings of Inbal Kashtan.
Click for more info

What Babies Want

Reducing Infant Mortality

Have you seen these great movies? Make informed early parenting decisions and share the information with other new and expectant parents. If you haven't seen What Babies Want, make the time! A must watch for all parents to understand the needs of infants, even if your children are no longer babies.

Reducing Infant Mortality is a brand new documentary meant to educate law makers, health professionals, and parents to support the health of mothers and infants. Watch the trailer now and consider supporting this project. It is available at no cost to spread the word to everyone who needs to see it!

"A child’s most basic needs, according to Peter Levine, include love, affection, care, and protection. These basic needs being met over time lead to a child who is able to regulate after stress, remain connected to his own inner guidance system, and connect to others in relationship. This is the goal of the Building Relationships phase with our children."
                                 -Rebecca Thompson

We have many, many decisions to make when our children are very young that can influence how well our children do. So much of the parenting advice out there is someone's opinion and it is focused more on the needs of the parents than the needs of our young children. We do not understand that when we do not meet our child's needs for love, affection, care, and protection, our children will not develop optimally.

I was at a restaurant yesterday and noticed a mother with her son, who was probably about 15 months old. She was holding him and talking to him as she got her food from the buffet. As I can't let this whole parenting paradigm go even when I'm out to eat, I was noticing how she was meeting his need for love and affection easily by just holding him and talking to him. And she was certainly protecting him by also keeping him close. A little while later, I heard some commotion and looked over to see two upset grown-ups and a startled baby. Apparently he had knocked one of the decorations off the ledge near the table and it had landed in the next booth. Wisely, the restaurant had chosen decorations that wouldn't break or hurt anyone if that happened, so there really was no harm done. But the mother was very angry. She slapped his hand hard to let him know that it wasn't all right. In that instant, the baby lost love, affection, care, and protection from the people he needed it from the most.

We all have parenting moments like this. I think reacting to our child's behaviors is going to happen from time to time. But do we realize that we have handled a situation in a way that hurts? Are we aware that we are parenting from our own past experiences? Did we just do to our child what was also done to us? Are we willing to move in and repair the relationship? Or do we choose to remain stuck in our own anger and blame our child?

I continued watching the family. Mom was still mad and was being rough with the baby. Dad moved in and picked up his son, walking him around and talking to him gently while mom calmed down. Dad actually moved into the place of offering the baby love, affection, care, and protection since mom wasn't able to do it in that moment. He calmed himself fairly quickly and was able to help the baby, who had not only been surprised when his action resulted in a loud noise, but also the reaction from his mom.

I couldn't hear what dad was saying to him, but I'd like to think he said, "That was scary when the decoration fell down. And it was scary to see mom so mad and to be hit on your hand. I'm sorry that happened. We'll do a better job in the future of keeping your world safer." Talking in a soothing voice to the baby and being held by a calm parent helps the child learn to calm himself down. Without regulation, or the ability to calm one's own stress (which is learned from parents who model it hundreds of thousands of times in the first three years of life), learning cannot happen. Well, we can learn to be afraid, but true learning doesn't happen in a state of fear. What we "learn" from fear is to avoid, to pull into ourselves, and stop exploring the world.

Parents can encourage appropriate behavior after they have helped the child to calm down. We do need to teach our children what is all right and what is not. Phrases like, "Look with your eyes" encourages children to explore (which is part of our children's job in the world) while still respecting boundaries when in public places. With young children, providing an object that they can touch instead is often helpful.

What parenting growth moments have you experienced lately? How can you incorporate Levine's basic needs into your parenting: love, affection, care, and protection? Have you had any experiences recently where you would have liked to handle things differently with your child? It isn't too late to make it different. What can you do right now to reconnect with your child? Think Rewind, Repair, and Replay in those situations, as Pam Leo teaches us in her book Connection Parenting.

Connection Parenting classes are a wonderful resource for Building Relationships and becoming more aware of your own patterns of relationship with your children, no matter where you are on your parenting journey. My current class even has a mother with three grown children! We all benefit from her wisdom and experiences, and she is still learning about her own patterns of communication with her children. All relationships can be enhanced through these teleclasses!

Next newsletter, we'll talk more about Rewind, Repair, and Replay as a strategy for reconnecting after we don't handle something as we'd like.

Best,

Rebecca Thompson, M.S.

Update From Downunder

Welcome to the first update from Downunder! Things are moving quickly here in Australia, and my feet haven't touched the ground since starting this project late in 2008.

In March I introduced Perth to my first parenting course, A Different View, based on the concepts contained in the book Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post. The first course was very well received and the second course soon filled up, although I managed to squeeze in one extra at the last minute. A couple were interested in doing the course, and I would never turn away a male interested in learning more about love-based, connection parenting!

We have just finished the first Australian teleclass of A Different View, with participants from WA, ACT, Victoria, NSW and Queensland. This was also a full class. What a great experience it was to connect with such wonderful parents from all around the country.

Meanwhile we have been working very hard to get the Consciously Parenting Australia website up and running. I would like to thank Lianne so much for her wonderful ideas, hard work and tireless efforts in making this dream a reality. Thanks to her the website is now live. Please check it out here. I am still working on creating more Australian resources which will gradually be added so keep checking back.

Details of upcoming classes can be found here. The next Perth class is scheduled for August 4, 11, 18, 25, September 1, 8. For further details and to register click here.

The next Australian teleclass is scheduled for July 30, August 6, 13, 20, 27, September 3. For further details and to register click here.

If you have any queries or ideas of what you would like to see happening in Australia, or you have a resource that you think would be of interest, or you just want to say hi then please email me at sally@consciouslyparenting.com.au I would be delighted to hear from you.

Best wishes to all,

Sally Flintoff