Resource of the Month:

Eat Healthy, Feel Great

by William Sears, Martha Sears, Christie Watts Kelly

Teleparenting Classes Open:

Connection Parenting
Tuesday evenings, 8:30 Eastern: June 9, 16, 23, July 7, 14, 21 & 28.

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Beyond Consequences Level 1 Class for Couples
Monday evenings, 9:00 Eastern: June 8, 15, 29, July 6 & 13.
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Beyond Consequences Level 2 Class: Creating Self Understanding
Thursday evenings, 9:30 Eastern: June 11, 25, July 9 & 23.
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*NEW* BCLC Level 2 Class: Volume 2
Wednesday evenings, 9:00 Pacific (Midnight Eastern): June 24, July 1, 8, 15, 22, 29, & August 5th.
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Teleseminar: Nutrition Discussion with Dr. Maritza Paz, DC

Are you confused and overwhelmed by all the nutrition information out there? Want some down to earth suggestions for babies through high schoolers? Learn how to navigate the terrain of eating healthy in your family in this down to earth discussion with real parents. How many times do children have to be exposed to a new food before they accept it? Are vitamins necessary? Lots of practical suggestions to guide you on your journey! Listen now!

Article Spotlight

Optimal Eating Patterns by Rebecca Thompson

NVC Intensive Residential Training: June 20 in New York

Stephanie Bachmann Mattei, our facilitator for NVC-Based Classes, will be leading the The New York Intensive in NVC Children's Program. More information on this NVC Training is available at this link.

Building, Maintenance and Repair

My upcoming book, which will be published this fall, discusses different stages of parenting: building of relationships, maintenance of relationships, and repair of relationships. Each of these different locations on our parenting journey require different information to help us to move forward. If we are in the building relationships stage, we're going to be focusing on what decisions we can make with our very young child to get the best start possible. Even if your children are older, reading this section can help illuminate different areas where your child may not have had needs met to create an understanding of what did not happen. If you are in the maintenance stage, this focuses on the everyday situations that can create connection or disconnection in your relationship. If you're primarily in the repair stage, your family may really be struggling for one reason or another, so suggestions will be tailored with this in mind.

This month, as an example, we're going to take the topic of Nutrition and show how it applies to each of the different areas.

Building Relationships: Early Feeding and Relationships

When we're creating relationships, it is important to realize that our feeding choices do affect the quality of our relationships with our young children. While most information discusses how breastmilk and formula are nearly the same, this couldn't be further from the truth in terms of how each affects the relationship.

Primary to the decision to breastfeed or bottlefeed is how the mother feels about these tasks. If a breastfeeding mother does so because she feels she is supposed to do it, she will create a negative experience around relationship for her child. The child will feel her negative energy and assume that it is about him, rather than the mother's own feelings. We need to look at our own feelings and work through them before we make a choice that will damage the relationship.

Make no mistake about it: breastfeeding is best. Why? Breastfeeding satisfies the three things all babies need: to be held, to be fed, and to be loved. For the baby, breastmilk is the ultimate experience in attunement, or connecting to a baby's needs. Breastmilk changes with each feeding and even during the feeding to meet the needs of the baby. No formula can do that!

Also, breastfeeding creates hormonal changes in the mother's body that support connection. Oxytocin, the mothering hormone, and prolactin, which relaxes the mother, both help to promote connection and bonding. Breastmilk is naturally sweet and activates the regions of the brain that help create attachment to the parent, which is fundamental to optimal development.

Babies who are breastfed are also always in arms. There isn't the choice to prop the bottle up and go about other tasks. Baby needs your physical and emotional presence and breastfeeding makes sure that the need for touch is met. Babies who are not held and loved do not thrive and may even die. Touch is that important!

If you weren't able to breastfeed, remember that feeding is more than about physical nutrition. Make every feeding a time to connect!

Maintenance of Relationships: Stoplight Eating

Eat Healthy, Feel Great by Dr. William Sears has a wonderful suggestion for teaching our children about which foods are the best for their bodies. It is really about teaching our children what to eat at this point in the relationship and creating positive experiences with food.

The idea is that green light foods are foods that we can eat as much as we want. These would include fruits and vegetables, which should make up most of your child's diet. Yellow light foods are those that we can eat occasionally, but aren't very healthy for us. Examples include cookies, cakes, candies... These foods fill us up and don't leave room for those green light foods we need to be eating. Red light foods are those we want to avoid because they aren't good for us. When we see red, we think, "STOP, can I make a better choice?"

Talk to your children about stop light eating. The Eat Healthy, Feel Great book is a children's book that can be a wonderful conversation starter and great to read together. Use it as a starting point to create some connection about food and eating by sharing your own stop light eating experiences as they happen.

Repair of Relationships: Food When We're Stressed

Children and parents who are in survival often make poor eating choices. Remember that we tend toward sweet, salty, or fatty foods when we're stressed out and that may be a large part of our diets, especially because many of these foods are particularly convenient. When we're feeling stress it is very difficult to think about what foods would be healthy for our family, but it is precisely this time that our bodies require more nutrients. Stress depletes B vitamins, which are found in green leafy vegetables, and whole grains.

Consider adding smoothies to your diet (add in whole vegetables like lettuce or spinach to boost nutrition), and set out a fruit and vegetable tray on the table to make eating well more convenient for everyone. Consider adding a whole food supplement (not a vitamin) to your diet to support your body under stress. I personally recommend Juice Plus and use it in my own family. There are even healthy studies going on that can get your children free Juice Plus for up to three years if you take it, too.

For more tips and suggestions, you can take a look at my article about stress and eating for helpful ideas when everyone is falling apart. This was written at a time when I was in "survival mode" and contains helpful tips to simplify eating, yet bring more healthy food into the family's diet.

Best,

Rebecca Thompson, M.S.