Toddler Hitting

[aylasaur]

Not sure if this is the appropriate location for this thread but I was hoping to get some advice concerning my son's recent behavior.

My little Owen is 17 months old and he has started slapping me, my mother and my husband sometimes seemingly randomly. It is a single open hand slap. At times he does it gently as if testing. He mostly does it when he is upset but he is starting to do it when he is just excited or playing around. Our response ranges from saying "no" (he usually continues), talking to him, ignoring it or trying to redirect. The episode ends but he'll do it again at another occasion. To be honest, we don't know how to respond appropriately to this behavior and we are not sure what causes it. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I would gladly appreciate it. Thanks.

[Rebecca]

Hi Mireille,

This is a perfect spot for this post. That's a really good question and one that comes up a lot with children around Owen's age. Behaviors like this are difficult sometimes for parents to know how to respond and most of the information out there is confusing.

We want to do the right thing as parents- not being too overbearing, but also setting limits and teaching our children at the same time. So the question is, how do we do that in this situation?

First, recognize that he may look like he is doing this completely intentionally and that makes us as parents less tolerant. Toddlers take many, many, many repetitions to learn appropriate behavior, so it doesn't surprise me that no matter what your reaction or response to him is that he does it again later. Learning takes time. At his age, redirecting his behavior is probably the most effective strategy- not making too big of a deal out of it. He is exploring his effect on the world in all ways right now and that includes this hitting behavior.

When he is hitting and he is upset, recognize that the situation is probably too much for him. Maybe he is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, been playing too long, needs your full, undivided attention, etc. and respond to that. When he is playing and seems happy, assume that he just needs to learn the appropriate behaviors in that situation. Many parents use the word "gentle" in this situation and demonstrate. This is the part that takes many, many repetitions. Don't expect him to get it right away, but know that experiencing an alternative over and over will help him learn more appropriate behaviors. You can gently take his hand and redirect him if you are able to stay completely calm yourself.

Do lots of breathing to keep yourself regulated, knowing that responding consistently with love will help him move past this stage and he will learn appropriate ways of interacting as you model it for him.

Let me know if you have any questions about what I've said here and how things are going with you, your family, and Owen.

[aylasaur]

Thank you so much, Rebecca. It's good to know we weren't too far off. We knew we needed to be careful not to encourage more aggressive behavior by responding in a negative manner. We will continue working with him and redirecting. Thanks!

[CookieCookie]

He may have been doing it for attention..