Toddler Grabbing Glasses

[thomlynn]

My 21mo dd is terrible about pulling my glasses off my face. She thinks it's funny and we can't get her to stop. She's already bent them once and I'm starting to get really frustrated with it.

Sometimes she'll do it while we are touching each other's faces and learning names to face parts. We've stopping playing that game b/c of it. So yesterday we're in bed together reading books b/c I'm having pretty intense bh contractions and can't do much else, and she grabs them (she is amazingly fast, sometime I can stop her but sometimes they are off my face before I know what happens :o). I manage to get them back, which is a pain too b/c she's got a death grip on them and I can't just yank them back or just let her hold them and ask for them back (that's how they got bent last time).

I have tried taking them back and then I leave or put her down, similar to what I did when she would nip me while breastfeeding. She get's upset and I come back, comfort her and tell her why she can't have mommy's glasses. Well, usually she just starts laughing and goes for them again.

I haven't really noticed a pattern of her doing it for attention. Sometimes, we'll be snuggling, sometimes she's roughhousing with daddy while I rest on the couch and she'll run over and grab them.

Anyhow, I really need her to stop b/c as I mentioned she's already bent them once. Any ideas???

[greenbeanbanshee]

I read this post this morning and have been thinking about it all day long. It sounds like such a frustrating issue. I don't wear glasses, so I was trying to associate it with something else, like if my son pulled my hair over and over. But that's still not the same, because it's my hair. It doesn't cost me anything and I can drive without it! :p So, the issue of your glasses is pretty important. There are real costs involved with them, instead of this just being an issue of principle. And I'm glad you're reaching out for insight.

One thing that keeps replaying in my mind is that this is a behavior. A behavior. And we know that behaviors are a symptom of something that is happening at a deeper level. So I guess that is where I'd start. What do you think is really happening with your daughter? What does this whole cycle remind you of?

A lot of times for me, I realize only much later, that an issue is very much related to something that happened to me in my past. Like something my son does reminds me of something my dad used to do....or something along those lines. What I've learned is that sometimes I am bringing something to the situation at a subconscious level that doesn't really show up on the surface.

I don't know if that makes much sense. But I guess I would just ask you that basic question -- what does this remind you of?

Sometimes just talking about it and having clarity of the emotions YOU are feeling help to empower us to change the situation.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and I hope you talk more about this. It's a real situation that I bet a lot of parents on this forum can relate to very well. Aren't kids so much fun! :dizzy

~Bethany

[Rebecca]

I suspect that this behavior is a communication that has its root in your daughter needing your attention- needing you to connect with her on a deeper level. I know it may sound a bit strange because she is laughing about it and it seems intentionally directed at your glasses. But, it sounds like what you've been trying hasn't been working (which is why you posted and why you're looking for suggestions), so you may be willing to entertain something a little outside the box.

I remember when I was at the end of my pregnancy- how I felt a bit disconnected in a way, with my energy focused on the new baby who was about to enter my life. I was a bit more distracted than I normally was- not on purpose, but I think it is nature's way of preparing everyone for the transition. At 21 months, your daughter doesn't have the ability to use her words to verbalize her experience with this. But she does have your full and undivided attention when she grabs your glasses, doesn't she? If you look at it as her attempt to connect with you, you can respond differently to her. Rather than addressing this behavior right then, address the emotional place she must be coming from. You need to see it, though, which is difficult when you're angry that she just took your glasses (again!) and might harm them. When she does it the next time, I want you to stop and connect with her, realizing that you probably weren't fully connected to her before. Just acknowledge this with her. Tell her that you can see she really needs her attention and engage with her. Let's read a book together here on the couch. Mommy isn't feeling very well right now and I know it must be hard to not have my full attention. More than likely, when you truly connect with her in this manner, the glasses will be secondary and you'll be able to get them back safely because she'll be connecting with you instead and may just put them down.

The eyes are about connection and being seen. Yes, they're also a lot of fun to play with, too, especially when you're 21 months old! (Some of this is just normal exploration, too, so if there is an old pair that she can explore gently on your lap, that might also help a little bit for that aspect of it.) For prevention, work on connecting with her as much as you can in any way that you can. Spend a few very connected minutes with her every hour at a minimum and fill her love cup as much as you can. Work to "see" her and connect with her and the glasses will become secondary.

Please feel free to ask more questions or share what happens when you start to shift this with your daughter.

Good luck!