Expanding my Window of Tolerance

[Lianne]

I need some ideas to expand my window of tolerance when it is constantly closing :lol

I do really well most of the time, but lately I feel like I haven't been able to get fully rejuvenated so that I can handle all of the normal stress I usually deal with.

Housework has become a challenge as my belly grows and my energy dwindles, so the house is cluttered and the kitchen is messy, which is stressful. Allen is a typical 3-year-old with a million questions and his own ideas of how everything should or should not be done, and it's getting hard to stay calm and allow him time to get ready to do things.

I just feel like my window is almost full most of the time, and I'll do whatever I can squeeze in to make a little more space, but then it's full again. I haven't lost it or anything with him, but I have this feeling like I just want to run away sometimes :lol I just can't seem to figure out a way to get my window back.

The most obvious is to go somewhere alone, but I don't want to be away from my husband. So the 2nd most obvious thing is to get a sitter I guess, which isn't something we do, like, ever.

Any ideas on how to rejuvenate without leaving? :lol I don't really do anything alone at home - shower/bath is always accompanied by my kid and not relaxing. Really the only thing I do by myself is work, which might be my answer today but isn't too relaxing either :lol

Through the week we have 2 scheduled outings, and I'd love to get out more but it is such a hassle that I don't know if it's worth it. Allen never seems to want to go anywhere, even to the park. "I just want to stay here" is all I ever hear. I think I would do better just being able to get out more and talk to other people, but it's such a struggle.

Thanks... helps just to type it out.

[Lianne]

Today turned out good :) we ended up going to the local pool and swimming for a while which was really fun for all of us. It was our first time and I think I will enjoy taking Allen there during the week some, at least until school gets out!

[Lianne]

and I must also say that one can never underestimate the power of a regulated partner. I don't know what I'd do without my husband :love he cleaned up the whole kitchen and ran the dishwasher, picked up most of the toys on the floor, and still did the normal nightly routine of teeth/potty/diaper for DS. I am so blessed :love

[Rebecca]

Sometimes it is helpful, when you are really at the end of your ability to deal with any external stresses, to take a look at yourself. Sometimes, anniversaries can be "remembered" on purely a body level and once you start to think about it, you remember that this is when your grandma died or other such anniversary. Just realizing that can make a difference sometimes. (Ah, that's why I'm struggling so much right now!)

Other times, it can be that the stress load of a particular situation was just too much for you- a particular event that you haven't come to a resolution about and is taking up a great deal of emotional space. A disagreement with a partner or a boss can fall into this category. You may not even have realized it until you started to really ask more about it and where your stress is coming from.

The answer is always there somewhere. Whether you can find the answer or not, taking good care of yourself and asking for help from others is very important to helping regulate yourself. Lianne, you did a great job of demonstrating what that can look like- both going to the pool and having your dh help out some more. Many times, it can feel like a waste of time to just "take care of yourself," but there is no better investment of your time and effort. This helps bring you more quickly back to the present moment, so that you can make changes to reduce your stress, if possible.

We all have times like this- some of us more than others- but we all need the tools and understanding to learn to regulate ourselves, figure out where the stress is coming from, if possible, and take care of ourselves in a loving way.

Let us know how it goes for you, Lianne. Thanks for sharing your experience and I look forward to your updates. Anyone else have an experience like this right now?

[Denise]

Yes, I have! I discovered that if I have a purpose for the day, I have more energy. For example, when I took my One Brain class recently, I was up and getting ready at 5:45 A.M. I couldn’t wait to get the day started. However, today, it was 8:00 A.M. and I had to drag myself out of bed. I didn’t really have any plans for today. I had a lot that “needed” to be done but nothing I was excited about. I know for me, thinking about “What would l like to accomplish today?” may help motivate me. I’ll let you know!

Also, talking (and typing) to friends helps me feel better, too! Thanks for these forums Rebecca! :)

[greenbeanbanshee]

Ok, this is kind of weird, but......I'll write it anyway. I was taught in my high school sophomore health class about a "wellness triangle". It said to be truly happy you have to have three things: something to love, something to do, and something to hope for. To this very day, I always think of that. If I am completely unhappy, I try to figure out which thing I've forgotten. I do it almost subconsciously, but it seems to be true for me.

I think that is why I travel so much. Because I love my kids and my dogs and my friends. And I have a lot of community projects and laundry and writing to do. But as a stay at home mom of three, it is sometimes hard to think of something to look forward to or to hope in. I think that is why I travel so much. Because it takes a lot of planning on my part to pull it off and it gives me something to look forward to for months.

Anyone want to respond to this? I realize it's sort of strange. But when Denise mentioned how much better her days are when she had something planned, it made me think of that darned triangle. Is it a true thing or is it something my health teacher just made up????

~Bethany

[Lianne]

Oh I've heard that many times before, that it's good to plan trips b/c it gives you something to look forward to. Definitely something to it! :) I agree, too... we are planning a trip for late summer but have no details worked out, even the destination :lol I bet it would be great if we at least started on it. Thanks for the reminder :)

[Rebecca]

Ok, this is kind of weird, but......I'll write it anyway. I was taught in my high school sophomore health class about a "wellness triangle". It said to be truly happy you have to have three things: something to love, something to do, and something to hope for. To this very day, I always think of that. If I am completely unhappy, I try to figure out which thing I've forgotten. I do it almost subconsciously, but it seems to be true for me.

~Bethany

I believe that's the most useful thing I've heard come out of a school health class, probably ever. It made quite an impact on you if you remember it all these years later. You probably even remember the teacher's name, don't you?

I think the something to hope for is what many parents lose when they are overwhelmed. That dreaming part of life- of imagining what you will create in some aspect of your life- is really important. A friend of mine just recently started creating silk paintings and scarves. She always wanted to be an artist, but ended up working for the IRS instead. (What a contrast!) She has such a joy about her now that she has started devoting time and energy to her home-based business. She now has hope that this will become something big and it has given her something really useful to do and create with her children. And I guess she loves it, too, so there's the triangle!

I think that is a really simple way of looking at it. Simple is good. Sometimes we make things way too complicated.

Thanks for sharing, Bethany!