Revolutionize your Resolution: Using Neuroscience to Make Positive Life Changes

by Rebecca Thompson, M.S.

So many people use the time around the New Year to reflect upon where they’ve been and what they would like to accomplish in the coming year. Our thoughts set the stage for our life, so this can actually be a very positive practice. However, many people become discouraged by the end of January that things haven’t worked out.

Let’s take a brief look at neuroscience to understand why this occurs. When you make a decision to make a change, that decision is made in your neocortex, or rational, thinking brain. Let’s say you decide you want to eat more whole, raw foods or work to add more colorful foods into your diet (the so-called rainbow diet) in the New Year. This is a decision made in your neocortex. It sounds like a great idea and we intellectually understand that this is a good decision for our bodies and our families. We may feel committed to this change, but find that by the 8th of January we are back to our old eating habits.

So, what happened? Many people may not realize that our brain is made up of more than just our neocortex. If you only get the agreement of one, changes will not be sustained. Let’s look at those other two major areas to better understand what is happening. The limbic system is the emotional system, which is responsible for emotions, behavior, and long-term memory. The third area is the reptilian brain, responsible for basic survival, flight, flight, flee, and automatic body functions, such as breathing and circadian rhythm. Both of these other brain areas comprise what is known as autopilot.

According to many studies, 95-98% of our lives are lived in “autopilot” or in the subconscious parts of our brain. When we make a conscious decision to do something, until it “gets into” the subconscious part of our brain, we will revert to what we’ve always done in the past. If your parents served meat, potatoes, and a frozen or canned vegetable at every meal, you may find that by January 8, that’s what you’re serving again even though you had made the decision to become a vegetarian. And, as the popular evangelist Bishop T.D. Jakes says, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve already been.”

So, what’s a person to do? Taking this understanding and applying it to our decisions as we move toward healthier behaviors in all aspects of our lives is the next important step. What does that look like?

First, make the conscious decision regarding what it is that you would like to change. Whether it is exercising regularly or making changes in your family’s diet, make a concrete decision about what it would look like for you to do these things. Let’s say you’ve committed to exercising more often. This is a common goal and it is very general, so start with defining what it would look like for you to do this. For example, I commit to walking in the morning at 6:30AM 3 weekday mornings every week for 30 minutes.

We make decisions many times thinking that all we need to do is will it into being, but what we need to do is work to get this new decision into all areas of our brain. How do we do that? Using all your senses, imagine what it would look like to both take the steps toward your goal and to achieve your goal. Start by picturing yourself taking the steps you’ll need to take to start walking every morning. Imagine the smells of the early morning air. Plan the route you’re going to walk in your mind. Pay attention to sounds of the birds, then how would you feel after your walk is over. Place a picture on your nightstand of yourself outside in your walking clothes to create a visual reminder for yourself that you can look at before you go to bed each night and see when you first wake up in the morning.

Another powerful tool is actually to write down your goal and post it in a prominent place. Write it every day for at least 21 days in its specific form, “I commit to walking in the morning before breakfast 3 weekday mornings every week for 30 minutes.” New neural patterns only occur with repetition, not with one exposure or one conscious decision.

Another important factor to consider is to involve the limbic system, or emotional system. Many times, when we create a New Year’s Resolution, we are making a completely cognitive decision, devoid of emotion. Zig Ziglar once said that, "A goal casually set and lightly taken will be freely abandoned at the first obstacle."

In order to really make a decision stick, we need to connect with our emotions!

Since modern imaging technology can see activity in the brain, we know that the strength and number of neural connections associated with a thought or behavior are increased when you're in a highly emotional state. The neuron connections are also stronger, longer lasting and it takes longer to lose a neural connection when it was formed with great emotion.

With this knowledge, we see another reason why New Year’s resolutions fail: They are set casually with no emotion and no strong emotional "reason why" that gives you the leverage you need to make a change permanent.

So, connect with those emotional reasons why you want to make a change. Envision yourself healthy enough to play with your grandchildren or having enough energy to get through all the demands of your day with your children. Connect with the emotional reason for the change and you super charge your commitment!

Then, every day, not once a year, evaluate where you are in relation to the goal that you posted in that prominent place (like your bathroom mirror or the refrigerator). Essentially, you are committing to making this goal a part of your unconscious mind, making it a part of your conscious reality until it becomes a habit.

Of course, this applies to all areas of life and to parenting, not just for changing eating or other health habits. We can apply this same principle to making changes in our blueprints from our own past experiences, and making changes in our relationships in the present. It takes mindfulness, commitment and dedication. I encourage you to create reasonable goals and write them down in relation to your family during the coming year. Share what you are doing with your children, if appropriate. Remember, children learn best by modeling. As with other “mistakes” in the parenting process, forgive yourself if you make a mistake or miss walking one morning. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, then make a new commitment to yourself and your health, connect with the emotional reasons why you are making this change, envision the process and outcome, and continue to move forward! Share this with your children, as well.

Suggestions for nutrition and health related goals for 2008:

Make the time to set REAL goals, today! Take it seriously, re-write your goals every day, think about them using all of your senses daily, and take action.

Make it great in 2008!

Helpful suggestions:

Draw a picture of what you’d like to create. Even better, draw it with your non-dominant hand.

Create a “dream-board” or images on a poster board of what you’d like to create in your life. Look at this every morning and every night before bed. Add colors that you are attracted to and make it visually interesting to look at.

Surround yourself with positive people who share your goals. We are meant to be in community with others and this only strengthens our commitment and ability to achieve our goals when we become discouraged.

Write down your goals, every day. The more you see it, the quicker it will become part of your subconscious mind.

Think positively. Positive thinking is the quickest way to attract what you want into your life. Phrase things in ways that reflect what you’d like to create, not what you would do not want in your life.

Affirmations are a powerful tool to consider. Affirmations are positively phrased expressions to help you create what you want in your life. Heather Forbes has an Affirmations CD for parents that I have found useful in my own life to help reprogram my thinking. The CD can be found at the Beyond Consequences Book Store

Originally published in the BCI Parent Enrichment Journal

Rebecca Thompson

Rebecca Thompson, M.S., is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project. Rebecca has been actively educating parents and facilitating parent groups and workshops that encourage conscious decision-making in family life since 1998. As a wife and the mother of two boys, she has personal as well as professional experience navigating the terrain of parenting. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education and a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, with specialized training in attachment and trauma.
Click here to read her blog.