Peaceful Meals

by Rebecca Thompson, M.S.

Last month, I talked about incorporating real foods into your family’s diet and the benefits to your children (and for you, too!) of doing so. This month, I’d like to talk about some practical steps you can take to do this in your family when you, as a parent, are already in survival mode with your child.

When working with families, one of the most frequent problems I hear is that it is difficult in the midst of dysregulation to find the time and energy to cook something at home, when it sounds so much easier to pick up a prepackaged meal for the family or call your favorite pizza place that delivers. The truth is that the hardest time of the day for many families is late afternoon, after the kids return home from school, right on through dinnertime. Since this is when we generally need to prepare dinner and there is already considerable stress during this time of the day, we are more likely to succeed at having dinner on the table if we have a plan. Using strategies that remove most of the preparation from this time of the day allows you to be more fully present with your child when she needs it, while not compromising the quality of the food you are serving for your family.

Below are some ideas for you to consider. You know yourself and your own family best, so take what works for you and leave the rest. There is no one size fits all model to follow- only what works best for your family at this time. If you have other ideas that have worked well for your family, please let us know and we’ll try to share them with other families in future issues of the Journal.

Plan, Plan, Plan

In my own family growing up, dinner always seemed to be a surprise. (“Oh no, its 6:30 and I have no idea what we’re going to have for dinner! How did this happen again?! What are we going to do? I guess we’re going to McDonalds again kids.) Dinner doesn’t have to be a surprise. It seems to come fairly regularly around the same time every day, so we can use this bit of knowledge to be our friend and helper instead of an additional source of stress. Sketching out basic meal plans for the week in advance is one strategy some families embrace. Ask your family members what meals they would like to eat to ensure buy-in at mealtime.

Weekly Schedule

Some families come up with a designated type of food or a preparation method based upon their weekly schedule. For example, Monday’s dinner is always made in the crockpot and started in the morning, Tuesday’s dinner is grilled, Wednesday’s dinner is a stir-fry, Thursday’s dinner is a soup and Friday is homemade pizza. When you have a general plan for the weekly meals, it takes some of the thinking out and simplifies both shopping and mealtime itself.

Start simply

Take a walk in the grocery store and you’ll find many healthy choices if you look. From preservative free prepared frozen foods to packages of precut vegetables, including onions, ready to throw into a recipe, there are now many choices available to make it easier to eat healthy. If the thought of cutting up carrots to add to a recipe in the “free” minutes you have between your child’s outbursts dysregulates you, just know that there are options available for you as close as your nearest store. Take advantage right now of the prepackaged salads and healthy convenience foods (that precut pineapple, for example) to make it easier to feed your family.

Double (or Triple) Recipes

As you are making a recipe that could be frozen, double it and freeze the second portion for another night. It takes much less time to double a recipe than it does to make the same recipe twice on two separate occasions. All the bowls, measuring spoons and cups are washed once, the counter is washed up once instead of twice, making it much more efficient. And this means that you have the accrued benefits- that one night you’ll simply reach into the freezer for your home cooked meal!

Once a Week Cooking

This works well when you can plan out your meals for the week, which many families do to save the stress of needing to make yet another trip to the grocery store with a child who may find such outings to be less than ideal. This works well when you have a friend or spouse who will be around to help with the kids (or a day that the kids are otherwise occupied) and the meals for the week are prepared at the same time. This saves quite a bit of time because you pull out your food processor one time and chop everything that needs to be chopped for the week, then clean it once. Some meals can then be frozen ready to heat, while others may just have a bag filled with the prepared ingredients, ready to add to a pan or crock-pot.

Once A Month Cooking

This requires much more planning, but instead of cooking for a week, you have the majority of meals planned for the month. Take a calendar and figure out how many times a month you are actually eating meals at home. Roughly sketch out the meals you normally eat and make a list of ingredients that you’ll need. This saves quite a bit of money because it allows you to buy in bulk. Some families swear by it, but it certainly isn’t for everyone. I used this a few months ago when a friend agreed to come visit me for a few days to help me. When she left, my freezer was full of good food that I could pull out as needed and I had the added benefit of feeling her love and support for me each time I ate something she helped me prepare.

Cooking co-op

I had the opportunity to do this last year and it was great! A couple of my friends had the idea to plan meals together and divide meals that each of us wanted to make. One mom made wonderful soups and sauces, another made casseroles, one made side dishes. We’d each make a triple portion of whatever we had agreed to make and then we’d swap food, either ready to eat or ready to assemble. We had a great variety of foods, fellowship with each other and teamwork, so we didn’t feel nearly as alone. If we needed assistance when we were going to make the food, we’d have one of the other moms come over and help either with the food or our kids (or both) to help us get it done.

Preparing Out, Eating In

If you are lucky enough to live near one of these clever meal prep businesses, this may be something that will work for your family. The idea is that all the ingredients and menus are assembled for you. All you need to do is show up at predetermined times and put the meals you choose together in the containers they provide. Many of my friends have done this and have been pleased with the quality of the food and the price. Some examples of these businesses include: Dinner Done!, Entrees Made Easy, Entree Vous, Cena To Go, mealMAKERS, Supper Thyme, My Girlfriends Kitchen, Super Suppers, and Chef Danes.

Involve the kids!

When working toward a harmonious family, each person needs to feel that they have a valuable role. Whether it is setting the table, helping select the ingredients at the store, working to plan meals with you or peeling the carrot sticks for snack time, give your child the opportunity to participate in creating this most important part of family life. Kids who have a role are more likely to eat happily.

Incorporate Rituals

Whether it be a prayer or a song, lighting of a special candle or a simple blessing for being thankful to be together, these rituals help children to feel safe and know what is coming next. Our children need as much predictability as possible. Make sure they have a role in this as well. Most importantly, consider your own attitude about mealtime. If you’ve had stressors in the past around this time of the day, recognize what you CAN change and make it a new, positive experience for you and your family! Your family is worth it! Happy Eating!

Resources:

Once a Month Cooking: http://www.realfood4realpeople.com/oamc.html

Confessions of an Organized Homemaker: The Secrets of Uncluttering Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life by Deniece Schofield

Originally published in the BCI Parent Enrichment Journal

Rebecca Thompson

Rebecca Thompson, M.S., is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project. Rebecca has been actively educating parents and facilitating parent groups and workshops that encourage conscious decision-making in family life since 1998. As a wife and the mother of two boys, she has personal as well as professional experience navigating the terrain of parenting. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education and a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, with specialized training in attachment and trauma.
Click here to read her blog.

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